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As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..