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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
It`s called PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!