Daily Silly Status

A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!

The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.

once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..

My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.

I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.

Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.

This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.

Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."

The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.

God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.

You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.

Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....

So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?

"Shit ton" is my favorite unit of measurement.

I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.