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Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.