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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
This prefessor`s nuts. He keeps saying pie is square. I know better, pies are round, cakes are square!
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Save time. See it my way.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me