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And, yet another day I’ve gone without using calculus.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
sleep is for people without netflix
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Back in my day we had 9 planets.