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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
It was love at first sight...I should have looked twice.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.