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To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Iām the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
I bet when spiders see those fake green cob webs on Halloween they must be like "Ugh, tourists".
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
Sometimes when Iām feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.