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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...