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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.