Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
Long story short, I love summaries
Hey Pringles, it`s time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn`t exactly thin-wristed.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.