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Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
We`re all just nudists in disguise...