Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
Attention fuels immaturity
This day needs more tomfoolery!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
and alcohol are now friends.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen