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I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
~WARNING~ I will more than likely offend you at some point in time
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.