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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"