Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem