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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.