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I`m a really nice guy before you get to know me.
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old`s lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
I hate bugs that fly, jump, crawl, dougie, twerk, 2 step, all that crap.
Redneck Term Of Thee Day-Wisdom: "Mah bruther had him some kidney stones, but he wisdom out!"
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!