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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
The only person that can procrastinate more than me hasn`t even been born yet.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.