Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
I always honk when I drive by homeless guys sleeping, just in case they overslept for a meeting
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.