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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
I need more people like me in my life
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.