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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Iām not the friend you put on speaker phone.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?