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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
My doctor said Iām healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I dream about naps.