Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure
Laughter is the best medicine, but if you are laughing for no reason, you might need medicine.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.