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If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
I don`t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids` history textbooks.
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.