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Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
If you`re going to be original, be prepared to be copied.
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.