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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Is Nudeism a religion?
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
Can I get likes for no reason?