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Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Some people are just bad news!!! Those are my favorite!
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
My sleep number is 100 proof.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.