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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
You may think I`m a loser, but to my goldfish, I`m the god of flakes.
I never want to go to sleep less than I do at bed time.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"