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If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P