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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.