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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I’m sad when my food is over.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.