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"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.