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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Break the ice in a crowded elevator by asking how much everyone weighs.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
Even if your life was a total waste of space, there’s always hope that you’ll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.