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Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
I give myself the best presents.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
I am really thankful that I have a desk job. I could never get all my personal stuff done at home.
I walked briskly with scissors today. I’m pretty wild.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.