Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.