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Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Mondays should start at noon.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
“I saw that.” -Karma
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
My own personal hell sounds great, actually