Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I`m fat and can`t run for more than 2 minutes.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.