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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.