Daily Silly Status

Finally figured out what women want...SECURITY!!!......(At least that`s what they all yell when I try to talk to them...)

There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.

Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...

I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."

Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.

I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.

Oh well, this time isn`t going to procrastinate itself.

My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.

I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.

I would lose weight, but I hate losing..

A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."

I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!

All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.

If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.

Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.