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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
I`d divorce my wife but I never want to see her that happy!
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.