Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn`t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn`t, use the tape.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"