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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.