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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?