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My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
Met a girl for a first date and quickly found out that her version of "Do you want to go downtown?" is vastly different than mine.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
For once in my life, Iād like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
Based on my reaction to toast popping out of a toaster, Iād like to recommend you never throw me a surprise party.
Smelling another person should be a choice.