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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.