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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
The wife has been missing a week now, police said to prepare for the worst, so I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.