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People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.