Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
sleep is for people without netflix
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.