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I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese`s pieces
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
My son just accused me of making stuff up. I wouldn`t mind but I don`t even have any children!
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.