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The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.