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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.