Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
"May the 4th" be with you!
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
"But why?" - Me at weddings
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.