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That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Is Nudeism a religion?
u cant spell awesome without me
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.