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My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Iām great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.