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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Starting to believe I`m trouble
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”