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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.